The Giver, she has an amazing gift, too bad all the people around her tend to use her until she can no longer give. We talk and text often throughout the day, she leans on my words because I guess they some how comfort her, she has told me on multiple occasions that I am one of the few people who understands her. I don't understand how she figures I get her because people are the only equations I don't even attempt to understand. I mostly accept people for how they are until they expose who they are and from there I determine if my temperament is compatible. I think she has picked up on the fact that I don't want anything from her so that makes her willingness to give in my direction even more intense. I'm not exactly sure whats going through her mind at this point but shes made some pretty "interesting" comments and it does make me wonder where shes trying to go, I'll remain silent for the moment.
The Haunting, like any and all good bad ghost's she's from my past, she doesn't want me to get out though, she wants me to let her in. No. I had a dream that pretty much sums up what happens every time I give her a little of my time, complete chaos. In my dream I was with my family, and some of her family members showed up, I always got along really well with her mother and grandmother. Out of nowhere The Haunting shows up and places this small object in the center of where we were all standing, I go to get a closer look at what she left laying on the ground and as I look over to ask her what it is I notice that shes leaving. I look over at her mother, and the device suddenly explodes. Thank you dream angel...i get the picture.
The Decade, I spent a lot of time trying to make this one work. A decade to be exact. Since there is so much history there, I have to keep this one brief. Some how I guess she finally understands that I'm not the monster she made me out to be to all her family and friends, and during that time I was going through so much, I did nothing to stop or combat the lies, I remember walking into her job and all her little co-workers would give me the super evil eye. Funny how time has a way of turning tables, she finally came right out and said it. She wants me back, right now though all shes going to get is my back.
The Future, she is who I am most interested in, too bad I'm on a one lane road right now. Some hair line fractures have started to surface. We are both in the same situation to where we know what we want, just not sure when we are going to get there, and at this rate, if we are going to get there at all. Its becoming harder to communicate with her because she often feels like shes under attack and I'm the one commanding the assault. Nothing could be further from the truth, I think she is unknowingly wanting to brush me to the side, but I really don't want to over think this. She's a good girl who thinks shes not because of how unhappy she is with the end result of some of her decisions. I wish she could see that we both have the same problems, we just handle them differently. She has shown me that sometimes people do things that are supposed to be meaningful with people who are meaningless. I don't think I've done a very good job at showing her anything, maybe that's why she seems to be drifting. Guess its true what they say, the future can always be changed. I hope shes there whenever I arrive.
Sideline, this poor girl just wants to be loved, period. I wont be surprised if she all of a sudden becomes a lesbian, but knowing her even then its still just to get a mans attention. I fell for her trap not because I like her, or even want to be in a relationship with her, but because there was a point in time where I saw that she needed help and thought that I would actually be able to help her. I hate learning things all over that I already knew, but life is like that sometimes. She confused my offers of help as request's for action. NAH DAWG IM SKRAIT! I refuse to be yet another poke and go in her life, and in the years to come, hopefully it dawns on her that shes worth more than a after party piece. If not, she'll continue to live a miserable life probably give birth to some kids she doesn't even want and die alone drunk or high in her own self pity...sad face...kinda. She actually KNOWS what she's doing isn't going to benefit her in the long run, and from that stand point, be the best jump off you can be babygirl. Dial soap, CHECK! time to wash those hands Saitek.
Friday, October 9, 2009
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